A Letter to Mr. Wood: Vacation was NOT all I ever wanted

 Mr. Wood,

One would think that a week away from home would do the soul (and marriage) some good. While we were away, it did seem to be getting better. We laughed, we created memories with our little ones, and even reconnected in the most intimate of ways. This beaver hoped you and I would be the same way when we returned home. That I'm afraid, was not the case.

Last night, for instance, was one for the books. You tried to, "spice things up" and bring in a little...toy, if you will, to the bedroom. This toy was not meant for this beaver's pleasure, Mr. Wood, but for yourself. This beaver let you enjoy yourself while she laid there contemplating her life. If this what I have to continue to look forward to? Mr. Wood only giving wood when he felt like it, and for only 5 minutes max at a time? This beaver doesn't know if this is the life she thought she was going to have. The beaver loves wood, REALLY loves wood. But after 5 sessions with Mr. Wood in 2 weeks...all being only a few minutes and getting nothing personally out of it, this beaver is at a lost. 

I have decided that after last night, and how terrible it went for the both of us, me out of lack of satisfaction, you out of embarrassment from me being angry and un-pleased, I think this beaver is done requesting wood. I have decided that for your mental health and for my sanity, this beaver thinks it's best if she becomes celibate. I am starting to associate our time intimately with sadness, angry, frustration, and disappointment. There's only so many times a lady beaver can have blue.....nuts. 

So, in part, this beaver is going into hibernation, in some ways. In others, she needs to really think about if this the life she deserves, and really, if you deserve, Mr. Wood. We both can't be mentally drained from something that should bring us joy and connectivity. It's pushing me away from you, and I think you will see that more and more as the days go.

Stay tuned. We'll see where this beaver goes to next. Either to a padded room or a drunk tank...

Sincerely,

Mrs. Beaver